I would like to be this kid.

I am tired.

How you doin’?

Posting will be light this week due to the following whiny excuses reasons:

1. I have to go to the dentist at 7am tomorrow and get a cavity filled.

2. I have to do about a week and a half’s worth of work in three days. Oh, and do so while pulling double-duty on Wednesday.

3. My mom is coming to town.

4. Because of #3, I spent half the weekend cleaning and will spend most of tomorrow doing so as well.

5. I agreed to bake a pie (and signed mom up to bake one, too) for the potluck Thanksgiving we’re going to. This is my first attempt at baking a pie. While I’m generally good at baking things, I sense that this is going to be hilarious.

6. Did I mention that my mom is coming to town?

7. I’m finally rejoining a health club Saturday, so I have to go exercise. No, seriously.

Wheeeeeeeeee! Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

This Onion article is hilarious from beginning to end, even more so because I just finally got rid of my Treo and got almost the exact same model of Blackberry mentioned:

New Mobile-Device Purchase Makes Asshole More Versatile

NEW YORK—The new BlackBerry 8703c has allowed total shithead Robert McClain to assign more work to his assistants while he is gambling in Atlantic City.

.onion_embed{ background:rgb(256,256,256)!important;border:4px solid rgb(65,160,65);border-width:4px 0 1px 0;margin:10px 30px!important;padding:5px;overflow:hidden!important;zoom:1;}.onion_embed img{ border:0!important;}.onion_embed a{display:inline;}.onion_embed a.img{ float:left!important;margin:0 5px 0 0!important;width:66px;display:block;overflow:hidden!important;}.onion_embed a.img img{border:1px solid #222!important;width:64px;padding:0!important;;}.onion_embed h2{ line-height:2px;clear:none;margin:0!important;padding:0!important;}.onion_embed h3{ line-height:16px;font:bold 16px Arial,sans-serif!important;margin:3px 0 0 0!important;padding:0!important;}.onion_embed h3 a{ line-height:16px!important;color:rgb(0,51,102)!important;font:bold 16px Arial,sans-serif!important;text-decoration:none!important;display:inline!important;float:none!important;text-transform:capitalize!important;}.onion_embed h3 a:hover{ text-decoration:underline!important;color:rgb(204,51,51)!important;}.onion_embed p{color:#000!important;font:normal 11px/11px arial,sans-serif!important;margin:2px 0 0 0!important;padding:0!important;}.onion_embed a{display:inline!important;float:none!important;}
For the record, I got the 8703e.

Outside my office is the New York Street set at Fox, and a progression of shows have been turning the street into a winter wonderland for various Christmas episodes. It’s amusing, though it’s very weird that it’s been going on since October.

What’s probably the final one was out there shooting today, and I guess they had a lot of spare money sitting in their budget. They rented an ice truck and a big snowmaking machine and covered the entire outdoor set in real(ish) snow.

The only problem? Today’s high: 77 degrees.

I felt so bad for the poor extras who were dressed like they were in freezing weather. They must have lost five pounds each just from sweating.

In this headline.

The picture is so beautiful all it needs is a caption:

A nude man is apprehended on the 405 freeway around noon today after he was seen running in freeway lanes near Sunset Blvd.

This idiot shut down the busiest freeway in Southern California for half an hour, tying up traffic in both directions for hours.

That’s what one drunk and/or high schmuck can do to this city. God help us if Al-Qaeda gets their hands on a nudist colony.

While pursuing Deadspin today, I ran across this video of some of my fellow ‘Skins fans expressing their frustration with the team this year:

Sadly for these kids, when I was their age, the ‘Skins won two Super Bowls over the course of four years. I think they’re going to have to wait a while for that.

Take this quiz to find out whether you should be a waiter! Or, conversely, whether you were the waiter who waited on my party this evening.

1. A party of five is led to a booth designed for four, in which they will not fit. After some wrangling, they are eventually led to a larger booth in which they do fit. After this occurs, do you:
a) Watch them extra closely and provide strong service to make up for this error.
b) Serve them normally, as the waitstaff cannot control the incompetence of the host.
c) Ignore them completely for 20 minutes, only arriving to take any orders (including drink orders) until after they have had to have someone physically drag you over.

2. Someone orders a meal with no modifications, except one request for a side of teriyaki sauce, placed at the same time as the order. Do you:
a) Bring the teriyaki sauce out with the food.
b) Forget the teriyaki sauce in the confusion with the food, but bring it immediately when reminded.
c) Apologize for forgetting, then leave and not return for half an hour, completely ignoring any efforts by the table to flag you down and never bringing the damn sauce.

3. There is a birthday at this table, and for birthdays, your restaurant has a designated free dessert. Do you:
a) Bring out the designated birthday dessert and congratulate the birthday boy.
b) Bring out the designated birthday dessert, congratulate the birthday boy, and apologize for fucking up the teriyaki sauce.
c) Bring out the designated birthday dessert, refer to it as an apology for fucking up the teriyaki sauce, then leave for another 20 minutes.

4. You have dropped off the check to an obviously pissed off table. Do you:
a) Watch them so that you can grab the check as soon as they’ve placed it out for you to take so that they may at least leave in a timely fashion.
b) Check back 5 minutes after dropping the check to see if they’ve placed it out for you to take.
c) Leave for yet another 20 minutes, never to return, and when they have to flag down a busboy to take you the check with payment, have another server return it.

If you answered a) to most of these questions, congratulations, you’d make an excellent waiter. If you answered b), you’re at least competent. If you answered c), you are obviously our waiter from tonight, and you’re also a schmuck.

I used to be a server, so I know the difference between “We’re busy and I’m swamped” and “I’m lazy and/or stupid.” I don’t give a shitty tip unless someone really fucks up, and this guy really fucked up. I actually had to talk the folks paying down to giving him a 10% tip.

Had it just been me, I would have given him a five dollar tip (on a meal for five at a good seafood restaurant). Enough to say “I didn’t forget to tip you, I just think you did a truly atrocious job.” He’d have been fired from CPK in about five seconds. I couldn’t believe he was working at this place.

Needless to say, we had a word with the manager as we were leaving. It’s really a shame, because the food was outstanding.

I’ve got assorted parental units in town starting today in celebration of Dad’s 70th birthday tomorrow. Weirdness alert: My boss’s mom recently turned 70 as well. I suppose that’s what happens when you wait to have kids until you’re 45.

Speaking of weird, did anyone else watch Jericho (shut up, it’s the most unintentionally hilarious show on television) and notice that Aasif Mandvi from the Daily Show was the doctor? That was just bizarre, especially because he was randomly using a British accent.