A few New Year’s Resolutions, because if I post them somewhere, maybe I’ll actually live up to them:

1. Continue to lose weight. Have lost: 33 lbs (net; had lost 35 but gained back 2 lbs stuffing my face with Waffle House and other assorted goodies over the holidays). To lose: 47 lbs. Mark my words, it will be done by the end of 2008.

2. Relegate Mr. Cranky Ankle to his former status as My Left Ankle. I’ve been sick of this shit long enough, this is the year that my weight loss and continued diligence with my foot exercises finally pays off.

3. Get a good job. Getting a job is part one of this, since I kind of need to, you know, eat. But I want to get another job that I’ll be proud of, and not simply something that will get me through the duration of the strike.

4. Record songs I’ve written since last album. Once upon a time, I was a songwriter, and a half-decent one at that. Maybe I should at least put some tracks down to see if I can turn them into anything good.

5. Get out of the goddamn house. Between the entire Foot Fiasco of ’07 that prevented me from leaving the house for 2 months, and the ongoing foot issues that left me extremely reluctant to for most of the rest of the year because of the pain, I feel like I’ve turned into a complete hermit/crazy cat lady. I promise that, once I have a job to pay for it, I am going to go out and be a social person, dammit! Just as soon as I finish this disc of Battlestar Galactica that just came in from Netflix…

6. Finish Redesigning my website. Not the blog, this is certainly sufficient for me at the moment (who knows what I’ll think if I can’t find a job for a couple of months and get REALLY bored). But as several people have pointed out to me, the main site could use a little update. Probably best to try and make it less than five years old.

And those are really the major ones. I considered adding in “get a girlfriend,” as I suspect several people are awfully tired of hearing me whine about not having one, but I fear if I officially add it to the list, I’ll just jinx myself, and I’ve had enough bad luck in that department as is.

Anyway, Happy 2008! Enjoy yourselves, and for the love of god, don’t drink and drive. Unless you’re just drinking water. Then, I think you’re okay.

Clearly, none of us have anything on this guy.

You’re all now officially On Notice.

I don’t know what makes me laugh more, the cat’s sour look or the hand holding on the sad little Santa hat.

‘Twas the night before Strike-mas, and through Hollywood
Every crew member thought, “Oy, this can’t be good.”

The pink slips had been rolling on in for weeks
And news only came out in rumors and leaks.

The children were nestled all snug in their beds
While parents sought Advil to quiet their heads

I was sitting inside, bundled in winter gear
Having turned down the heat to try remain austere

When out in the alley honked a very loud horn;
‘Twas a Teamster in his five-ton, looking forlorn

I opened my window and shouted “Hey, yo!
It’s after midnight, don’t you have somewhere to go?”

He replied, “It’s all from the Christmas episode,
Fake trees and ornaments, an entire truckload.

Our vendors were shut down, our office laid off;
Every light in town seems to be turned off.”

I asked, “Can’t you take the truck to the studio?”
He said, “Their lot’s so full, it’s got no place to go.”

I said, “Let’s take it to Les Moonves’s house!
He ought to have room, that $30-mil-a-year louse.”

“Or Chernin or Grey,” he said, “Or Barry Meyer,
Maybe Zucker or Sloan, or Lynton or Iger.

They all make good money, even Patric Verrone,
And some guy I saw on TV named Gavin Polone.”

So I pulled on my jeans and I pulled on my boots,
The Teamster and I were now in cahoots.

We charted a course towards Beverly Hills
Ready to get in a last few cheap thrills.

With some inside tipsters and Google Maps Mobile
We took on a task…perhaps somewhat ignoble.

I will leave out the name of the victim selected
But do rest assured, he was quite well connected

We were dressed all in black from our heads to our feet,
To flummox security guards we might meet.

But our worries were baseless, ’twas no one nearby
As the shadow of the five-ton darkened the sky

We pulled up to the gates and claimed a delivery
Our friend didn’t know it was heavy artillery.

We hung a huge banner urging negotiations
And left the truck there, despite protestations.

A silly and juvenile prank, to be sure,
But since when have crew kids ever been mature?

We fled the scene and I whipped out my crackberry
And called us a taxi to someplace more merry:

To the party of one friend who still had a job
And hadn’t turned into an unemployed slob.

We drank to our family and friends and moreover
To the hope this will end before hell freezes over.

—

Now I end with a plea for a wee bit of reason
Though it sometimes seems such a thing’s out of season

Please stop the name-calling through press releases
And try to begin to pick up the pieces.

For Peace is the one thing we B.T.L.’s seek
And the return of our 70-hour workweek.

Though I’ve fled from L.A. for a Christmas that’s white,
Merry Strike-mas to all, and to all a good night.

Many thanks to the providers of the Online Rhyming Dictionary, without which this would have been even sillier.

So I am here now, and I will make several observations.

1. It is not nearly as cold as I feared it would be. However, at about 27 degrees, it is still painfully cold for a SoCal wimp like me.

2. Good lord, Wheaten Terriers have a lot of energy. My mom had thought my aunt’s new dog was a Bichon Frisé, but it only looked like that when she was a puppy. Now she looks like a Honey I Blew Up The Bichon Frise, and was dragging me all over the black ice in the parking lot when I helped my aunt take her for a walk.

Still: Not taking me for a walk anywhere near as much as the late, lamented Rosie the Rottweiler.

3. Guest passes to health clubs are ridiculously expensive. My uncle was nice enough to get me one to the L.A. Fitness he goes to, and just for a week, it’s more than I pay for a month at 24 Hour Fitness. I felt bad, but I’m way too broke to make a magnanimous offer to pay for it, and will accept it as my xmas gift from him.

4. My god, Grandfather clocks are annoying if you’re not used to them. My aunt and uncle have one that BONGGGGs every 15 minutes, and I don’t know how the hell I’m going to be able to get to sleep tonight.

So I’m posting this from my Crackberry, waiting to board my flight that was supposed to take off at 10pm.

I had decided to take the bus to the airport, since I have a lot more time than money at the moment. A cab is $35ish, the Super Shuttle is $21, and the bus was $1.25. The bus won out

(A side note; The flight at the gate next to me as I type this is flight 1492 to Columbus, Ohio. I smile every time they make a boarding announcement)

I had no idea how long the bus was going to take, and since I knew there were 3 buses involved, I figured anywhere from an hour and. a half to 3 hours.

Living by my father’s “Never ever ever be later than an hour early for a flight,” I figured, okay, my flight’s at ten, if I leave at 6, even worst-case-scenario, I’ll still be okay.

Joke was on me repeatedly; All three buses combined took exactly one hour, and the only people in front of me at security were the entire Old Dominion University women’s basketball team.

I got to my gate at 7:20. As I type this, it’s now almost 10:40, and our pilots just got here after being stuck in LA traffic for 2 hours.

That’s still not even the holdup: The flight attendants were coming in from Salt Lake City, where there is currently a fairly large snowstorm. Between the snow and the de-icing, they’re still 15 minutes from even getting to our gate, let alone being ready to have the boarding process begin.

The other issue is that, to try and tire myself out so I could sleep on the plane, I woke up super-early today. Now, as the plane should be somewhere over Nevada, I’m practically falling asleep in the astoundingly uncomfortable airport chair.

The waiting lounge is filling with passengers for the next flight scheduled for this gate (going to Guatemala City), and everyone’s getting just a liiiiittle cranky.

I just want to get to Connecticut so I can commence complaining about how goddamn cold it is.

…that going to Best Buy at 3pm on a Tuesday, it would be at least a little calmer than it generally is around the holidays.

You would apparently be wrong, as evidenced by the HUGE line there when I stopped by to pick up gifts for my cousins this afternoon.

You would also think that since I only moved downstairs in September, a thorough cleaning of my apartment wouldn’t take me two days.

You’d be right in one sense: It’s going to take a third day. Seriously, where the fuck did all this damn dirt and cat hair come from? Chaplin sheds like I live in the jungles of Belize with no air conditioning.

You’d finally think that it would at least be nice to relax a bit when you’re unemployed.

I think you’d be right about that, but between the cleaning and the errands and meeting people for lunch and the other nonsense I have to take care of, I really couldn’t tell you for sure.

So I’m putting together a playlist I’ve dubbed “Laid Off Blues”, and I wanted to solicit some suggestions.

Here’s what I’ve culled so far from my own personal library, in no particular order:

School’s Out – Alice Cooper
Fired – Ben Folds
It’s The End of the World as We Know It (and I Feel Fine) – R.E.M.
Say Goodbye Hollywood – Eminem
Goodbye – Patty Griffin
I’m A Long Gone Daddy – Hank Williams
Already Gone – Tarbox Ramblers
Leaving To Stay – Kevin Bowe and the Okemah Prophets
Leavin’ – Shelby Lynne
Why I Left California – Liz Phair
The World Has Turned and Left Me Here – Weezer
I Just Don’t Know What To Do With Myself – The White Stripes
California – Rufus Wainwright
Day Job – Gin Blossoms
Why Don’t You Get A Job – The Offspring
Get A Job – The Silhouettes
Nice Work if You Can Get It – Billie Holiday
Bad Days – The Flaming Lips
The Union Forever – The White Stripes
Sixteen Tons – Johnny Cash

Any other songs y’all feel are glaringly absent from this list?

I hereby present a screencap of a brief conversation with a friend and former co-worker that I had yesterday that amused me greatly.

I am represented by the Santa chugging a bottle of Jack on the right, while my friend is represented by MacGyver.