After blotting calamine lotion on my ridiculous number of flea bites, leaving a pattern of dark pink spots on pasty white skin: “God, I look like a gay leopard.”

They have located the most innocuous-looking lesbians in America for their story about how same-sex marriage will be a huge economic boon to California.

I am amused at how much their dog looks like an angry, surly old man, though. “Goddamn kids and their gay weddings. Now they’re going to spend their lives looking at flower arrangements instead of playing fetch…”

Also, I laughed out loud when I read this:

Susan Goldman, a wedding photographer, registered the domain name biggayweddings.com a month ago so she could market her services to same-sex couples.

…since I’ve referred to every same-sex wedding and/or commitment ceremony I’ve attended as a Big Gay Wedding.