Well, I did not win almost 400 million dollars in the lottery, but I did score a fairly funny souvenir in my losing ticket.

Across the top, there’s a little message:

March 5-11 is National Problem Gambling Awareness Week

Awesome that it happens to fall on a week with a ridiculously enormous jackpot. It’d be even better if nobody won tonight, then the jackpot would probably be around 400 mil.

And then, everyone in a MegaMillions state will immediately become a problem gambler.

I have a busy enough weekend planned. I’m going to the tax accountant. I’m having an Oscar party. I’m going to attempt to wall-mount my TV (though if that fails spectacularly enough, I will not be having an Oscar party).

So, with all that on my plate, you’d think I wouldn’t be stupid enough to decide that this is the weekend to buy an expensive new router, attach my hard drive to it, and try and get the ports forwarded in a way that doesn’t expose all my data to the interwebs.

Apparently, you’d be wrong. I am exactly that stupid.

The secretary of the Air Force suggests testing crowd-control weapons on US citizens.

I mean, I can sort of see the twisted logic that makes him think this is a good idea (i.e., if we’re not willing to use it on our citizens, then we shouldn’t be using it on foreigners because it will make us look bad).

But…does he have ANY idea how much this sounds like, “Hey, let’s use American citizens as guinea pigs because they’re protesting against things and/or celebrating basketball championships!”

It takes a lot for me to say this: Even for this administration, this is an unbelievably stupid idea.

I really fuckin’ hate you, HBO.