I don’t know how many of you have been following the story of John Amaechi, the first former NBA player to officially come out.

However, if you have, you will thoroughly enjoy the Onion’s merciless take on the story:

John Amaechi Comes Out As Former NBA Player

STOCKPORT, ENGLAND—British homosexual John Amaechi sent shockwaves throughout the sporting world last week when he announced, much to the surprise of his family and friends—in addition to NBA players and fans—that he lived a…

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Whose Mets beat the team upon whose bandwagon I have jumped (the Dodgers) today:

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Today they poke a bit of fun at one of my childhood heroes:

Cal Ripken Jr. Moves Into 8 Billionth Place On Consecutive-Games-Not-Played List

BALTIMORE—Cal Ripken Jr. celebrated a new milestone in his not-playing-baseball career on Tuesday as he moved into 8 billionth place on the…

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The Onion once again ventures into uncannily accurate territory: Having-One-Beer Plan Goes Awry.

The Onion AV Club, the semiserious side of The Onion, America’s Finest (satirical) Newspaper, asked a large number of celebrity types whether God exists. My favorite answer came from John Leguizamo:

The Onion: Is there a God?

John Leguizamo: Yeah, but there’s not just one God. There’s a whole lot of gods, because one God couldn’t have possibly made so many mistakes all by Himself. This had to be done by committee.

For some reason, that makes an astounding amount of sense to me.

From America’s Finest News Source:

Horrible Band Obviously Not Listening To Its Influences

SAN DIEGO— Puddle Of Mudd, a dreary nü-metal rock band that cites Led Zeppelin, Black Sabbath, and Metallica as influences, is obviously not listening to those influences. “Zep, Sabbath, Metallica, Maiden, Aerosmith—growing up, that’s what we listened to, and that’s what shaped our sound,” said lead singer Wes Scantlin, whose mopey, monotone vocals in no way bear the stamp of Robert Plant, Steven Tyler, or his other idols. Scantlin, who made the comments during an interview Monday with Spin reporter Charles Aaron, failed to say which part of Puddle Of Mudd’s atrocious new ballad “Drift & Die” resembles “When The Levee Breaks” or “Sweet Emotion.”