I finally gave up on a couple shows I’d watched every episode of earlier this year, Prison Break and Desperate Housewives.

While in DH‘s case I hear I may have given up right before the show creatively resurrected itself, this spoilery item indicates I checked out of Prison Break at the right time.

Because seriously? That’s the most implausible plot twist they’ve come up with, and this is a show that’s pretty much a maze of implausible plot twists.

“Cashmere Mafia on ABC….Brought to you by Valtrex!”

No better marquee sponsor for a thinly disguised remake of Sex and the City than a herpes medication.

That single line by the announcer made me laugh a lot harder than anything on the actual show.

Laz posed a question in the comments a few days ago, which I thought I might want to actually answer before it becomes irrelevant:

So tell us — Letterman circumventing the process and sorta crossing the line. Is that a good thing for the striking workers as a whole because it sets a possible precedent for bigger production companies, or does it take away from the solidarity of the union?

Actually, he’s not crossing the line, his production company actually wholly owns his show and signed a deal with the WGA (note: That link has some interesting analysis by Nikki Finke, who’s clearly sided with the writers over the main issues, but is still pretty good about calling bullshit on both sides when they deserve it).

This is extremely rare in these days of vertical integration, and at least a piece of almost every other show on television is owned by one of the major media conglomerates that comprises the AMPTP. Because Dave is independent, he was able to cut his own deal and get his show back on the air with writers.

Many people with more insight than I have taken a stab at predicting how this is going to turn out, with Tim Goodman of the San Francisco Chronicle hitting most of the short term points I would have.

Long term, it really depends on the ratings. If Letterman starts to win on a regular basis (and with writers vs. Jay’s flailing, it’s hard to see him not doing so), that’s going to light a fire under NBC, whose negotiators have been among the serious hardliners.

However, if viewers are more compelled by the high-wire-without-a-net of Jay Leno trying to be funny without writers, it could prove a serious setback to the WGA, and hasten the fracture of the union (and oddly, might end the strike faster).

The one thing that has to be kept in mind is that these late night shows are absolute cash cows. They cost little to produce, get good ratings, and command enormous fees from advertisers. The amount of profit from these shows is above and beyond almost anything else on television.

Viewing habits in this timeframe are hard to break, which is why NBC has got to be concerned that its 13 year grip on the lead could be lost for good if Letterman is back with his writers and Jay without his for long enough.

Overall, it’s a risky move, but if the ratings for Letterman (and Craig Ferguson, whose show Letterman’s company also wholly owns and is also coming back with his writers) wind up way ahead of the competition, it’s going to put an awful lot of pressure on NBC Universal to drop their hard line and to help convince others to drop theirs.

This week won’t be the most telling: There will definitely be a “what-the-hell-is-he-gonna-do?” spike in interest in Leno. Next week, when people have had their chance to see what he’s doing and decide whether or not it’s worth watching, will be the key.

From G4′s Attack of the Show, a Bionic Woman parody far more entertaining than the actual show:

The Subaru bit just killed me. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to drive to work…in my Subaru.

Hat tip: After Ellen.

This is looking increasingly likely to become a reality show starting Friday.

At least the mediator the Feds are sending in is a black belt in aikido, and can kick the shit out of the moron negotiators if they have another fight over chairs.

Looks like me and Chaplin are going to be fighting over who gets to eat the cat food.

If you’re going to have a show where all the actors are singing popular songs, wouldn’t it be best to get license to versions of the songs where they’re not being drowned out by the original singers?

I mean, I’d have loved to hear Hugh Jackman, a legitimately great singer, sing Sympathy For The Devil. But as the show is doing things, you can barely hear him over Mick Jagger. Although I will concede, it’s probably a mercy to hear Debbie Harry drowning out a severely botoxed Melanie Griffith.

Anyone who’s seen Viva Blackpool, the BBC show on which this is based: Do they do it that way on VB? Because frankly, I don’t see this method working at ALL on the Brits.

Also, Hugh Jackman’s hairdresser should be arrested for crimes against the straight women and gay men of America. Seriously, he’s got a lesbian mullet. That ain’t right.

Almost a month into the season, I can now declare an official winner: Pushing Daisies.

I’d absolutely loved the first two episodes, with their bizarre hyper-techincolor acid trip set design, extremely strong acting, and cute (but without crossing the fine line into too cute) stories.

I was worried, however, because both episodes were directed by Barry Sonnenfeld, who directed Men in Black and The Addams Family, and whose excellent, ebullient visual storytelling leaned heavily on what turned out to be an absolutely obscene budget.

You saw every penny of the lavish spending on the screen, but in the world of television, that kind of outlay over 22 weeks becomes simply unsustainable.

So unsustainable, in fact, that ABC actually took the draconian step of banning Sonnenfeld from directing future episodes and slashing the budget to the bone. I worried that without the wild, inspired world they were able to paint with all that money, the whole house of cards would fall down.

I’m pleased to report that the writing of this week’s episode was inspired enough that I barely noticed the more drab and dimly lit surroundings.

Trying to explain what actually happens in the show is a bit of a mess. The basic premise is moderately understandable (though is annoyingly reiterated in every episode thus far): The main character touches a dead person once, they are resurrected. If he touches them again, they die, and stay dead.

If he does not touch them again to re-kill them in a minute, however, someone or something nearby will die in their place. He uses this power to help solve murders, and collect rewards. Oh, and he also revives dead fruit to make delicious pies at his awesomely named pie restaurant, the Pie Hole.

But trying to capture the texture of this show in words is totally impossible, other than to say it’s the most wildly inventive show I’ve seen in some time, and it’s clear that both the writers and the production designers have found themselves some truly excellent hallucinogens.

If you’re willing to read some spoilers, professional TV critic Alan Sepinwall sums up why this ridiculousness works a lot better than I can. Even he can’t capture the true level of weirdness, so if you haven’t seen any of the episodes yet, you should try and get the ABC.com streaming to work for you, and watch whatever episodes they have up.

Pushing Daisies‘ weird, wild house of cards could still all collapse in on itself. I’ll certainly admit to some misgivings about how long they can sustain the delicate balance they’ve struck. But until it does collapse, missing it would be a real shame.

What a waste.

The pilot was way better than I’d heard it would be, particularly the excellent fight scenes, and I thought this could turn into a good show. But what false optimism it gave me has quickly been dissolved by the second and third episodes.

I’ve come to agree with the critics: Michelle Ryan is disastrously miscast as the lead. I was hoping the weaknesses she showed in the pilot would go away as she got more comfortable in the role, but they’re still there all the way through the third episode. She makes the character seem obnoxiously wishy-washy, and when you’re supposed to be a superhero, that’s the kiss of death.

Katee Sackhoff is by far the best part of the show as “The First Bionic Woman,” as she refers to herself in the pilot. The way Sackhoff is instantly and totally confident in her role no matter how ridiculous her character’s story becomes only makes Ryan’s miscasting all the more glaring.

I will say, the hysterically funny levels of LESBIAN SUBTEXT! (it’s about that subtle) between the two [Les]Bionic Women are aaaaalmost worth suffering through another episode.

Unfortunately, the show’s not nearly compelling enough to keep watching. I guess I’m just going to have to start getting Battlestar Galactica DVDs from Netflix. Mmmm…Starbuck…

Just damn busy. Work’s been a bit nuts, and working out 5 days a week is just about killing me.

On the upside, I did get a free ticket to the Dave Matthews Band concert on Tuesday at the Hollywood Bowl through work. The show was awesome (guest apperances by some spectacular banjo player whose name I never caught, John Mayer playing way better than I’d previously given him credit for, and Ziggy and Steven Marley) and as we have a connection to Dave, the seats were great.

A couple other bits of miscellany I’ve been meaning to post but haven’t got around to it:

- My gym recently rearranged their equipment, and now all the recumbent bikes (the ones where you sit down and your feet are out in front of you rather than below you like a regular bike), which are the ones I use because they’re easier on Mister Cranky Ankle, are out in front of the room where the spin class takes place.

There’s one bike nobody ever rides unless every other bike is full, because it’s the one directly outside the spin class, so you spend your entire ride having to listen to the really obnoxious instructor try to motivate people by being so annoying that they’re imagining each pedal push to be a stomp on her face.

I got stuck on that bike TWICE this week. I am literally going to stuff a sock in her mouth if I get stuck on it again.

- I don’t think I’ve ever gotten as strong reactions to wearing my Cubs hat as I did at Oktoberfest down in Torrance last weekend. Apparently a lot of heavy beer-drinkers are Brewers fans! Who’d have thought?

- Another reason posting has been lacking is that I’ve only managed to delete one season pass so far of the stuff that’s premiered. There’s a remarkable number of decent shows (Chuck being the primary standout) and only one real stinker (Big Shots).

There’s a few more shows I’ll probably shitcan after the second or third episode if they don’t improve, including a few that I’ve watched for several seasons but that have recently taken some unbelievably dumb plot twists.

- So the writers are going to authorize a strike and their contract expires at the end of the month. The working theory is that this is just saber-rattling, and that they won’t walk until the actors’ and directors’ contracts are up in May, since working together they can shut down the whole industry.

The problem is, by authorizing a strike right now, they basically leave the threat of a walkout, which would shut down production shortly thereafter, hanging over Hollywood for seven months. Guys, I’m begging you. Please wait until May. My strike fund is not ready yet.

Here’s another quick set of impressions of the stuff I watched this week. I’ll post scattered quickies of some of the late-premiering stuff, but this is the last big roundup.

This week’s bias alerts come from the fact that I work for these folks, so reviews for anything in our timeslot (9/8 central, Tuesdays) or in our medical genre you should view with a wary eye. That said:

Cane (Tuesdays at 10, CBS) – It’s nice to see non-white culture represented on network TV, but the level of arm-flailing “HEY! LOOK! CUBANS!” is pretty silly. They roast pigs! They have dance sequences! They smoke enough cigars to make a viewer cough from the thought of all the secondhand smoke! The oddest aspect of this is the occasional line or set of lines in (english-subtitled) Spanish, when the remainder of the scene is in English, with exceedingly clumsy transitions between the two.

However, despite some Dynasty-level plot twists, it’s not ridiculous enough to dismiss out of hand. There are a ton of absolutely outstanding actors in this, and the setting is novel enough that once the writers hit their stride, it could turn into a really interesting show. The only question is if enough viewers will stick around to keep this show on the air until then.

Dirty Sexy Money (Wednesdays at 10, ABC) – Another entry in the overstuffed “Rich People are Fucking Crazy” genre, but this one’s at least more entertaining than most. Peter Krause is great as the lawyer trying to get disentangled with a disgustingly rich family his father got entangled with years ago.

Donald Sutherland is a bit over the top as the patriarch of said family, but the excesses here are not nearly as obnoxious as those of Big Shots (see below). Total soap opera, but it reminds me of the first season of Desperate Housewives, back when that show was actually pretty damn good.

Reaper (Tuesdays at 9, CW) – This show is a direct competitor to my employers, so I can’t give it a full review. It’s similar to Chuck in a lot of ways, but different enough to not come off as a complete clone. Ray Wise, who plays the devil, is hysterical and blatant in his thievery of every scene he’s in. Let’s just say I wish this was in another timeslot.

Private Practice (Wednesdays at 9, ABC) – Disappointing. When you take her away from the increasingly annoying characters who populate Grey’s Anatomy (from which this show was spun off), Addison just becomes another annoying character. It’s an absolute waste of Kate Walsh’s talent.

A point I agreed with that was hammered home in review after review I read of this show was that these middle-aged people have gained no wisdom with age – They’re just as neurotic as the 20-somethings who populate Grey’s, but without the excuse of youth to forgive their ridiculously unnecessary drama. If you don’t like Grey’s, you’ll hate this, and even if you do, you still may not like it very much.

Big Shots (Thursdays at 10, ABC) – Breathtakingly smarmy, and damn near unwatchable. I don’t think I’ve ever wanted to punch every single main character in the face within the first five minutes of a pilot before.

Gets the uncoveted distinction of First Season Pass Deletion of the season, a feat achieved the second the pilot was over. Oh, and whoever thought this show would work well in the post-Grey’s timeslot needs to get canned, or at least drug tested, right quick.