In an update to my earlier post, now that I’ve tried it out….I am DEFINITELY never leaving the house again.

Today marks the end of my Sprint contract, and the beginning of a technological battle royale. Let’s meet the contestants!

IN THE RED CORNER….

The Blackberry 8703e, better known as the Crackberry. A practically indestructible phone on a shittastic network. A phone that I’ve dropped on concrete or asphalt so many times I’ve lost count.

But it’s started to act up. It’s starting to refuse to come off roaming. It’s starting to send calls straight to voicemail. I don’t know how much of it is Sprint’s asstacular network and how much is the Crackberry itself.

And it’s also starting to get old. It strains and buckles under the weight of simply trying to load Facebook’s mobile site. It freezes up when I’m trying to switch between applications.

It’s only a matter of time.

IN THE BLUE CORNER…

The iPod 5g. Replacement for the first iPod I ever got, a purchase that changed my life because I could carry all my music around without throwing out my back.

This one had enough space (80gb) to let me get some Podcasts going, and I’ve gotten addicted to the point that I’m now a month behind in 2 of my main ones (BBC Global News and This American Life).

It seems to be rolling along just fine. It seems to be handling its daily trips around the universe in my pocket just fine. But the last one seemed to be doing that until one day the line-out just up and died on me.

Will the hard drive hold out? Will the line-out survive? Will I accidentally drop it in a giant puddle of water? Only time will tell.

And finally, we have….

THE REFEREE

…my complete lack of fiscal restraint when it comes to purchasing shiny electronic things.

Particularly after spending an hour playing with my friend Dan’s iPhone this past weekend, I want one. Like, NOW.

My utter hatred of AT&T stopped me from switching when it first came out, but I’ve gotten to the point with Sprint that I’m pretty much ready to tell them to fuck themselves, and at least have some NEW asshattery to deal with.

Part of what’s keeping me from buying one is the extent to which I am fiscally screwed after the last year: $2k to join the union, $4500 on COBRA, PLUS a delightful four months of unemployment have left me damn near tapped out.

But once I’m done with COBRA as of the first of the year, and once they inevitably release the 32GB iPhone that would let me take my main playlist (which by itself is 12GB), my Podcasts, and some videos with me…I don’t know how long I’m going to last.

The battle begins today, and ends when one of the three above breaks. Place your bets on when I’ll crack in the comments.

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I can’t tell what the hell is going on anymore with these ridiculous bug bites I’m getting.

I keep getting these horrid, hive-like things all over myself, and if I hadn’t had chicken pox when I was three, I’d be concerned I had it now.

Most of the time these itches flare up at the office, but the timing is weird enough that I can’t quite narrow down what’s happening and where, though I’m convinced it’s bugs of one sort or another.

The itching is making me absolutely insane, and I cannot for the life of me figure out why I’m apparently getting bitten by every bug that could potentially bite humans.

All I know is that I’m increasingly covered in itchy red welts and/or scabs, and I really am reaching the end of my rope in terms of how on earth to continue coping with this without losing my mind.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go bathe in calamine lotion.

Redeye flights are a tool of the Devil sent straight from the deepest, darkest bowels of the seventh circle of Hell.

I make that statement every time I take one, but then the next time I’m booking eastbound flights, I look at how much time I lose with a daytime flight and think, “Fuck it, maybe it won’t be so bad this time.”

Hahahaha.

Yes, four hours of very light, fitful sleep, constantly interrupted by turbulence, screaming babies, and the woman in the seat next to me deciding to sing along with her music is clearly a brilliant idea.

Speaking of brilliant ideas, now I’m waiting for my checked baggage to show up. I hope it does, because otherwise I’m going to be going to this wedding in jeans and an Onion Softball shirt.