Stepaunt x7

Yay! My stepbrother and his wife had their kid! Well, more accurately, Trudy had it and Doug is handing out cigars to half the western hemisphere, but nonetheless, I'm now 7 times a stepaunt.

Maxwell Robert Kremer was born at 11:42am this morning, weighing in at 7lbs 15oz, and measuring 20.5 inches. Pictures, I'm told, will be forthcoming.

Odd Dilemma

My stepbrother Doug and his wife Trudy made a really sweet gesture and sent me a $20 Amazon.com gift certificate as a get-well gift. Normally, I would simply write a thank you note, grin, and immediately cash it in.

The thing is, Trudy is about ten months pregnant with their first kid, and I feel really bad taking any sort of money from them at this point. Granted, they're both well-paid individuals from absurdly wealthy families, but still, I feel like I'm stealing from the kid.

So, the question arises of what to do. The thank you note is already sent, but the question of what to do with the gift certificate itself perplexes me a bit. Should I:

1. Use the money to purchase a gift for the impending child?

2. Buy them a $20 Amazon.com gift certificate as a way of giving the money back?

3. Just spend it and stop fucking worrying about it?

Option 2 struck me as the funniest option, but I have a feeling if I did that, I'd end up with another $20 gift certificate from them instructing me to keep it, dammit.

Option 1 presents a problem because I haven't purchased gifts for the births any of the other stepnieces and stepnephews (i will have 7 after this one is born) born since my dad and Ray Ann got married.

There's a strong belief in the buy for one, buy for all theory in Ray Ann's side of the family, which would present jealousy problems for them and and financial issues for me since her family is quite large, so I'm thinking that one may not be a great idea, either.

However, I'm still somewhat troubled going with Option 3, for the aforementioned reasons. I'd give the money to charity or something if it were actual money, but it's a gift certificate, so that's not really an option.

I'm debating asking my dad what the hell he makes of the gift, although he probably has no clue, either. Anybody out there have any advice for me on this one? If so, email me Amusing advice will be posted, with the permission of the sender.

And sorry, "Give it to me!" is not amusing.

Hee

Best. Correction. Ever.

Conclusive Proof

That minor league baseball is much better than major league baseball: The Top 20 Minor-League Promotional Stunts.

courtesy Fark

Complicated

So my appendicitis recovery has hit a snag. I've had this minor complication, which, while not painful or threatening, is a) kind of gross and b) turning into a(nother) major pain in the ass.

I'm not going to go into details, because the details, frankly, are disgusting. The consequence of the details, however, is that I get to go to the doctor every day until my complication clears up, which could be a week or more.

I am supremely unhappy about this, not least because I'm told the main time for me to come in on Saturday is from 9-11am. Saturday, people! It's not a major complication, but I'm just sick of having things be more complicated than they need to be.

I know I shouldn't complain, because it could be a lot worse. I'm just sick and tired of my health problems right now. I don't know how I'm going to deal with being old and decrepit, if being young and decrepit bugs me this much.

Some days I wish I could just take back the last six months, rewind to being miserable and still in school, but healthy. But I realize it's fruitless to dwell on such fantasies, because they're not gonna happen. I've just gotta heal my holes, and move on.

Maybe one of these days, I'll have the trifecta: Happy, Healthy, and Working. Right now, however, having all three at once seems like a longer shot than Funny Cide winning the Triple Crown. But you never know.

Stranger things have happened.

More Fun Links

There's nothing particularly interesting going on with me. Still healing and such, but I figured I should at least continue to provide links to a few things that actually are amusing:

- As Eddie Izzard put it when arguing for the Transvestite Brigade of the American military, "The key element in battle is the element of surprise." I think parachuting this guy into whatever country invade next would certainly surprise our opponents.

- Perhaps something like this would reduce aggression in American presidential males.

- Don't know how to ask for drugs? The federal government has compiled a convenient list of drug slang. I find it amusing that "Bush" is listed as slang for marijuana, cocaine, and PCP.

Attention Dan Quayle

You can actually mock people for once.

Attention Bad Filmmakers

That's not a tornado, mate.

This is a tornado.

I'm Sorry, What?

I'm sort of glad my Vicodin is about to run out. Not because of its painkilling properties...those I'm decidedly gonna miss. The problem is that it's been screwing with my memory so badly, I need to get off it.

I've been pretty much stoned for the last week, I realized. Just poppin' the pills to rid myself of the pain, and layin' back and watching some fucked-up movies on DVD or just plain bad movies on Cable. The pain has decreased enough for me to realize how fucked my head is.

I'm losing myself in the middle of sentences, losing conversations halfway through, forgetting facts I should know (like, say, my roomate and his friend can't come watch Six Feet Under on Sunday nights because they're both working on the Daily on Sunday nights until about 2am...and have been for months).

And before you say it, I actually am doing these things more often than I normally do. My memory isn't that great to begin with, but it's just been atrocious lately.

Hopefully, when I switch over to handfuls of Advil in a couple days, that will do the non-mind-bending trick.