True

"When Johnny Cash writes a good song about you, you better hope you're Jesus because otherwise you're nothing but trouble." - Coop

And Lesbians Everywhere Rejoiced

Angelina Jolie's Divorce Finalized.

Woo hoo! Now I have a slightly larger snowball's chance in hell!

Stupid Day

I woke up really early this morning to go to the doctor, and I got the good news that both of my scars are healing well, and are almost done healing. I thought this would be a good omen, and that I'd have a good day.

Then I decided to go back to sleep for a while, since I was still tired. That was my big mistake. You see, the way my life works, each day's luck starts over when I go to sleep. I killed my good luck by taking a nap.

First I had to iron my shirts for work, an activity that I cannot even begin to describe my hatred for. I feel so fucking old when I realize I have a job that things need to be ironed for. Plus, it's just boring. So that got me in a bad mood.

Then there was a really nasty thunderstorm going on when I left the house to go to work, and I got drenched going to my car.

It was still pouring when I got rear-ended by this kid on my way to work.

Neither of us was hurt, since I was stopped and he was going about 15 or 20 miles an hour, and my car just had some minor rear fender damage. The guy's car was crunched pretty good though. And his was a rental. Evidently under his dad's name.

I felt kind of bad for him, because if the situation had been reversed, I might easily have done the same thing. However, I still want my car fixed, so I'm still gonna file a claim. He was so scared, and I knew how he felt. I wanted to call his parents and be like, "Don't ground him!"

I wasn't gonna file an accident report since my insurance company said I didn't need one, but the rental car company told him he needed one, so I filed one when I got home. It's not like he can say it wasn't his fault since the damage pretty much points to nothing else besides he hit me, but whatever.

Anyway, then work kind of sucked and I was running all over the restaurant and got a couple of real shitty tips, and it was just a coda to the overall sucktasticness of the day. Blah.

However, I'm still really grateful that I wasn't hurt, since that would have been a whopping 32 days between trips to the hospital (see previous post). Anyway, I'm going to bed in hopes of once again reversing my luck.

Woo Hoo!

Yesterday officially marked 31 days since my last surgery, which means I've officially gone longer between getting surgeries than my last two entertaining times. Now if only I could be rid of all this gauze and medical tape, I'd be ready to rock and roll.

Etymology

The "origins" of one of my favorite insults, asshat.

Realization

I had an epiphany last night: I have no business trying to get anyone else romantically involved in my life until I get it at least slightly more in order.

Yeah, it'd be great to be seeing someone, for all the obvious reasons (sex, companionship, someone to love, an excuse to get out of the house) in addition to the less obvious one of it's cold in my apartment, and blankets just ain't cutting it.

But really, the only thing I've got to talk about to people is how upside down and inside out my life has been for the last six months, and that's really not the most enticing story. "My life is chaos." "Oh, let me fuck you right now!" Yeah, not so much.

The fact that I'd also have to explain why I have gauze taped to myself is another problem. And as much as it's said that Chicks Dig Scars, they usually only dig them when there's a cool story, usually involving extreme sports. Appendix scars are not quite so cool.

So I think I'm just gonna own my discombobulated loserdom for a while. Try to straighten out my life (well, in most ways) before I go off trying to drag someone else into it. And really, it's not like anyone's been aching to drag me into theirs, so it's not really a problem.

Now if Angelina Jolie shows up naked at my door and says I have to fuck her right now or the world will explode, well, I'll certainly do my part for the preservation of humanity.

Otherwise, I think a couple of months of not worrying about this bullshit and just try and put the pieces of my life back together.