German Wedding Traditions Gone Wrong

Moo.

Pet Peeve

I'm sure I'll bitch more about this from time to time, but I have to vent briefly about it.

I had five different people tell me the other day I sound just like Ellen DeGeneres. Now, granted, I work at her show, calling people to arrange times to get them tickets to the show, so that might have something to do with it.

I learned almost immediately after going to work there that I had to start adding my last name when I call people, and not just say "Hi, this is Ellen, calling from the Ellen DeGeneres show," because people thought I was the Ellen.

Anyone who's heard me speak knows my voice is at least half an octave below hers, an octave and a half if I'm tired and/or groggy.

I'll grant that my Fake Polite Phone Voice gets pitched up a bit, but still nowhere near enough to make me sound anything like her. But still, at least once a day:

"Oh, you totally freaked me out, you sound just like her!"

I don't really know what to say other than, "I get that a lot," since I can't really say, "Are you out of your fucking mind? No I don't," since that's just slightly rude.

Any suggestions for better comebacks are appreciated, ones I can actually use are preferred.

Viewer Alert

I'm in the opening thing on the show that airs...well, today, technically. So is most of the staff of the show, but I'm standing directly behind Ellen D., to the viewer's right.

I'm the one in the Wilco shirt, clapping like a trained seal. Well, we're all clapping like trained seals, but never mind.

See the previous viewer alert for tune-in instructions.

What the...

I got a call at about ten to four in the morning, and I was wondering what the fuck that was about. No one was on the line, just some beeping.

Then, all of a sudden, my printer/scanner/fax machine sprang to life, and out popped a sheet pitching me better mortgage rates.

I am now getting spam faxes.

AAAAAAARGH.

Flashback

The Onion hits the nail on the head yet again: This is so me trying to write a paper when I was in college.

Viewer Alert

Anybody that has seen the show has probably seen the wonderfully dippy little opening gags we do each day when they whoosh the door back to reveal Ellen at the very beginning of the show, right after the opening credits roll, and before the monologue.

It's a bit like the couch gag on the Simpsons. They're always looking for suggestions for fun opening bits, and I handed some in a while back.

I'm proud to say that the one that airs tomorrow (Wednesday) is one of the ones I handed in. Silly? Of course. Fortunately, they were looking for silly.

But it certainly is a trip to see something I visualized come to life on television. If you're bored and you'd like to watch, click here and then click on your state.

Rubberneckin'

Sometimes I can understand a bit of rubbernecking. And sometimes it just makes no goddamn sense. I ran into both on the way to work this afternoon.

It made sense when a crushed car fell off an 18-wheeler carrying about 18 crushed cars into the middle of the 405 freeway. That's just not something you see...ever.

I was kind of grumbling about the slowdown until I saw the cause. That was just bizarre. I'm rarely able to justify rubbernecking, but that case, I could forgive.

But then, I got really pissed as I was going over the hill into the San Fernando Valley. The bane of my existence on this stretch of road is one of those highway signs that have messages on them.

Today's message was that there was an accident on the 101 West that closed two lanes. But it wasn't the message that annoyed me, it's the reaction.

People were slowing down to 20 miles an hour to be able to read it. If you have to slow down that much to read a short message in giant letters, you either need:

a) corrective lenses (or better ones),
b) Hooked On Phonics, or
c) both.

This happens any time there's a message on that sign, and it pisses me off to no end. I just wanted to scream. But I guess it just goes to show that things even out in the end, even in traffic slowdowns.

Hm...

They've asked me to come in way early for my 2nd day (reasons too complicated to explain, but seems like a once-in-a-while thing). This is has its downside and its upside.

Downside: I'm already used to getting up for a 2pm start time, after one day. And it means my second day will be 13 hours long.

Upside: (singing) Money money money money....money! (/singing).

It looks like if I really feel like it, I can swing enough hours to not need to get a second job AND mooch. I'll be able to only have to do one or the other.

Granted, this will still be a shitload of hours, but it may be something of a solution to some of my financial issues.

And after all, sleep is for the weak. As are lesiure, amusement, first-run movies, and brand name food....

Project Part 4

More Roadtrip 2003 photos. Today's installment: Yellowstone National Park.

Hope you guys are actually enjoying these. Probably only one or two more batches to go.

Incompetent Boobery Update

Mr. Timberlake blames a "wardrobe malfunction."

And the headlines just keep on coming. Thus far, a couple of the more entertaining ones:

- CBS Beats Breast Over Jackson's Slip Up (Toronto Globe and Mail)

- Super Bowl tittilation shocks audience (The Age [Melbourne, Austrailia])

- Sorry for the boob, says CBS (The Sydney [Austrailia] Morning Herald, in a story earlier headlined "Janet hangs out with Justin," according to Google News)

- To NFL's Horror, It's A Skins Game (Miami Herald)

- Timberlake Isn't Only Surprise Appearance (Tampa Tribune)

I'm still waiting on the New York Post and the British tabloids' headlines on this. They should be quite entertaining.

Edited to add: Okay, it definitely wasn't a pastie (or however you spell it) and
this not-safe-for-work and painful looking picture is the proof. Ow ow OW. Thanks to someone at TWoP's boards for inflicting this upon us all.

Nudity Bowl '04

Ah, Super Bowl Sunday: A time for nachos, guacamole, and of course, streakers and semi-bare superstar breasts.

Silver piercing/pasties provided by Mr. S&M's of Beverly Hills.