Adventures In Goat World

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Technology Will Be The End Of Me

Oh, Blogger. You make me crazy with your refusals to publish and your half-assed FTP impementation.

But oh, WordPress, trying to switch to you is making me EVEN FUCKING CRAZIER.

Why didn't I learn something useful in school, like PHP programming? Then I could figure out what the fucking problem is.

More to come, possibly over here when I'm done tearing my hair out. In the meantime, feel free to tell me how fugly that design is.

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Wednesday, July 09, 2008

How To Write Off Both Your iPhone And Your Trip To New Zealand

1. Write a website that specializes in taking apart Apple products as soon as they're released.

2. Realize that the first people in the world to get the new iPhone are in New Zealand.

3. Fly to Auckland to be fourth in line IN THE WORLD for your iPhone, so you can immediately take it apart and post pictures online.

4. Write the whole damn trip and the price of the phone off as business related.

5. Enjoy some gorgeous New Zealand scenery.

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The Most Complicated Evil Plot I Have Yet Devised

I think I've figured out how to land myself a job interview next Friday.

This theory came to me as I was waiting for my Chinese food for an hour and 15 minutes. I really had to pee, but I just KNEW the guy was going to come while I was in the bathroom.

Sure enough, I said "Oh the hell with this, I'm not waiting any longer," and the guy came while I was in the bathroom.

This always happens to me: I wait and wait for what's supposed to happen to happen, and then when it doesn't, I start doing something else, and THEN what was supposed to happen happens.

Working from this trend, I've come up with a plan to have at the very least, a job interview by the end of next week.

My job finishes this Friday, and I had been planning (barring a sudden settlement with SAG) to try and leave town next Thursday for about a week and a half to visit my dad up in Idaho. I'll be driving, so I'll be stopping in Vegas on the way up next Thursday if all goes to plan.

I knew Dark Knight was coming out next Friday, and I really want to see it in IMAX, since they actually shot some of it in IMAX and I hear it's brain-meltingly awesome.

So of course, I got online to see if there are tickets to the midnight IMAX screening in Vegas (and I'd like to pause here to note that IMAX tickets in Vegas are cheaper than regular movie tickets here), and there were.

So now, my evil plot: I bought my ticket to that midnight Thursday showing in Vegas.

By purchasing that ticket, I have close to guaranteed that something will come up in L.A. and I won't be able to leave until Friday or Saturday, maybe not even at all.

Clearly, as I'm packing my shit into the car to leave on Thursday morning, I will get a phone call from someone who wants to interview me Friday morning, maybe even for a job that starts Monday.

And if my frustrating luck does not continue to hold...Well, I'll get to see the Dark Knight in IMAX on opening night then spend a week in Idaho with my dad. It's pretty much a win-win.

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Tuesday, July 08, 2008

Caption Contest

Chaplin likes to come sit on my lap while I'm trying to read things on the computer. Fortunately, my computer has a built-in camera so I can capture him making goofy faces like this one:


If only I could figure out how to make the flash less bright so it wouldn't completely blow out his fur.

Now soliciting comments to improve upon the the title posted at Flickr (linked from the picture).

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Monday, July 07, 2008

How To Increase The Chances That I Will See Your Horror Movie

Start by calling it "Mutant Zombie Vampires From the Hood!".

And actually, you can pretty much stop right there, because the title is just that awesome.

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Sunday, July 06, 2008

I Can't Feel My Legs

Noted: 35 miles is kind of a long way to bike.

Also, I need a better seat. Ow.

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Friday, July 04, 2008

Happy 4th of July!

While you are barbecuing various items and drinking yourself silly, the Consumer Product Safety Commission (and whoever cut the CPSC's video to the soundtrack) would like to remind you to use care with your fireworks this year:



Hat tip: Consumerist.

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Damn You, Elliptical

First, your distance calculator decides that I'm running a thirteen minute mile.

If I could run on a treadmill without incurring extreme pain, I feel like it would be maybe an eight or nine minute mile. Nothing to write home about, but certainly not as horrifyingly slow as a 13 minute mile.

Then, you arbitrarily reset sometime after I've gone a mile and a half into the 3.1 miles I need to finish my gym triathlon, and I have no idea how much further I have to go.

I wound up doing another mile and a half after I noticed it had reset and still coming in at 1:59, but I probably could have made it to 1:55 if I had actually known how far I'd gone in the few minutes between when I saw I'd crossed 1.5 miles and when I noticed it had reset.

Bah. I'll probably do one more of these before I try my Batshit Crazy Plan of doing a full Olympic-length gym triathlon during the Olympics. That'll be double the distance I've been doing, and will therefore probably take about four hours.

At least I was able to verify that I've dropped my swim time to just over 15 minutes to do 15 laps from just over 18 minutes to do 15 laps. Yay, progress!

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Tuesday, July 01, 2008

A Stab At Explaining This SAG Nonsense

Trying to explain why, even though it does not appear the Screen Actors' Guild is actually going to strike anytime soon, I am frustrated with the lack of progress in the talks, is a little hard to explain.

The stalemate has brought all feature production to a grinding halt, and because of the weird timing of the pilot I'm on (even if it gets picked up, it won't go for a few months, and almost all other TV in town has already started up), I had been looking to hop on a feature when it finishes in a couple weeks.

So, why is a stalemate a bad thing for feature films? Well, I'll try to explain.

Were the Screen Actors' Guild to strike, everything would shut down immediately because without actors, there is nothing to shoot. That's the easy-to-explain, apocalyptic part.

In a stalemate, which is where we are now, the actors are not striking, but they have not signed a deal and could theoretically strike at any time.

With a stalemate, TV shows keep shooting because they have all the actors under contract for basically the entire year. Were a strike to happen, they would give the crew an unpaid hiatus for the duration of the strike, and then everyone would come back to work when it's over (assuming a short strike of about a month or so, which everyone is).

With films during a stalemate, you run into the big problem of actor scheduling: While television shows have the principal actors under contract essentially year-round, every film has a very short window in which its principals are under contract.

For example, pulling a name that's fun to type out of the air, let's say Jake Gyllenhaal is scheduled to do a film that starts tomorrow, and finishes in early September. Then, he's scheduled to go on to a second film that starts in mid-September.

If the actors strike, it will eat up all the time that he was on film #1, and they still lose him to film #2 in mid-September. The fact that the strike is happening does not push everything back, it just makes the time disappear.

Why is this a problem? Well, the main issue is that because a SAG strike could completely fuck up actors' schedules, major films can't get what's called a completion bond.

This is a very large insurance policy that will pay the a substantial portion of the cost of production should the film not be completed for some reason beyond the control of production (actor is hit by a bus and/or drops dead in the middle of production, earthquake destroys Los Angeles during shooting, whatever).

The insurance companies don't want to give completion bonds right now because if Gyllenhaal starts shooting film #1 and SAG strikes for a month in August, he will still have to move on to film #2 on the same schedule. Film #1 could potentially only be half-finished and largely unusable, and the insurance company would be on the hook for the money.

If you can't get a completion bond (and right now, you can't unless you have a waiver from SAG, which you can only get if you're a small independent production not part of the AMPTP), the studio will not give you the money to make your movie.

So everyone on the features side is pretty much sitting tight, waiting for SAG to make a deal. Once they make a deal, plenty of stuff will start up, and hopefully many of us will be gainfully employed once again.

We'll see what happens. Again, I'm in a bit of an odd spot with scheduling, but hopefully by the end of July this will get sorted out, and I'll land on something or other. I'll probably get an involuntary break of a month or so, but hopefully not much longer.

I hope that sort of clarifies for those of you who don't have to deal with this glorious horseshit on a daily basis what's happening and why, and why while people in LA are worried about this, most of the national entertainment press is pretty much ignoring it.

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