Oops!

If you thought the incidents where various American companies lost laptops with 300,000 or 400,000 people's financial information were bad, then be very thankful you don't live in Britain.

I Just Can't Live Without Rageahol!

You ever have one of those moments where something stupid occurs, and you get disproportionately angry about how stupid it is? You realize you're overreacting a bit, but it's just SO flamingly stupid, you get a bit worked up about it?

I went to a free screening of American Gangster with a friend in the camera union, and they had security making everyone empty their pockets.

Now since this was at the Academy, I sort of understand them wanting to make sure there are no recording devices coming in. A little over the top, but I can see where they're coming from on that.

What made NO fucking sense was their demand that I take my pocketknife and multi-tool (which, yes, I always carry on me because they have come in awfully handy on many occasions) back to my car.

If I had paid twelve bucks to walk into any theater in the country, there wouldn't have been an issue. What was even sillier was they made a guy with a swiss army knife smaller than my pinky on his keyring take THAT back to his car.

I sarcastically told the security guard when I returned, "Gee, I didn't realize we were getting on a plane, otherwise I would have left that in the car." He did not see the humor in that statement.

I'm still really pissed off about that, mostly because there was zero notice posted about the policy that would have given me time during the 45 minutes my friend and I were waiting in line for them to open the doors to put the stuff in my car.

But I mean, really. What the fuck was I going to do with a knife and a multi-tool in front of a theater full of people that they were so very concerned about? Scream, "This movie sucks!" and then stab the person sitting next to me?

I don't know, what do you guys think? How pissed off would you have been? I mean, assuming you were the type of person who constantly carries implements of stabbiness with you.

Cleanup on Aisle 6

I think I set a new world record for clumsiness this afternoon.

I was out doing some errands for the production company's office (I officially work for one of the production companies that produces the show, and they have an office off-lot), and I managed the most fractious display of my clumsiness ever.

First, I was at Ralph's stocking up on drinks, and as a guy cut me off with his cart, I crashed my cart into a display, which in turn crashed into a big stack of jars of Gefilte fish, which in turn crashed to the ground.

I managed to get out of Ralph's without breaking anything else, and went over to Staples to stock up on various office supplies. I thought I was safe, because there's not much glass at Staples.

Except for the two-pack of big-ass fluorescent light bulbs that crashed to the ground when I was trying to get out a wedged-in box of extra large trash bags. That was a pretty spectacular sound, too.

I'm staying away from anything made of glass for the rest of the weekend.

Waiter Quiz

Take this quiz to find out whether you should be a waiter! Or, conversely, whether you were the waiter who waited on my party this evening.

1. A party of five is led to a booth designed for four, in which they will not fit. After some wrangling, they are eventually led to a larger booth in which they do fit. After this occurs, do you:
a) Watch them extra closely and provide strong service to make up for this error.
b) Serve them normally, as the waitstaff cannot control the incompetence of the host.
c) Ignore them completely for 20 minutes, only arriving to take any orders (including drink orders) until after they have had to have someone physically drag you over.

2. Someone orders a meal with no modifications, except one request for a side of teriyaki sauce, placed at the same time as the order. Do you:
a) Bring the teriyaki sauce out with the food.
b) Forget the teriyaki sauce in the confusion with the food, but bring it immediately when reminded.
c) Apologize for forgetting, then leave and not return for half an hour, completely ignoring any efforts by the table to flag you down and never bringing the damn sauce.

3. There is a birthday at this table, and for birthdays, your restaurant has a designated free dessert. Do you:
a) Bring out the designated birthday dessert and congratulate the birthday boy.
b) Bring out the designated birthday dessert, congratulate the birthday boy, and apologize for fucking up the teriyaki sauce.
c) Bring out the designated birthday dessert, refer to it as an apology for fucking up the teriyaki sauce, then leave for another 20 minutes.

4. You have dropped off the check to an obviously pissed off table. Do you:
a) Watch them so that you can grab the check as soon as they've placed it out for you to take so that they may at least leave in a timely fashion.
b) Check back 5 minutes after dropping the check to see if they've placed it out for you to take.
c) Leave for yet another 20 minutes, never to return, and when they have to flag down a busboy to take you the check with payment, have another server return it.


If you answered a) to most of these questions, congratulations, you'd make an excellent waiter. If you answered b), you're at least competent. If you answered c), you are obviously our waiter from tonight, and you're also a schmuck.

I used to be a server, so I know the difference between "We're busy and I'm swamped" and "I'm lazy and/or stupid." I don't give a shitty tip unless someone really fucks up, and this guy really fucked up. I actually had to talk the folks paying down to giving him a 10% tip.

Had it just been me, I would have given him a five dollar tip (on a meal for five at a good seafood restaurant). Enough to say "I didn't forget to tip you, I just think you did a truly atrocious job." He'd have been fired from CPK in about five seconds. I couldn't believe he was working at this place.

Needless to say, we had a word with the manager as we were leaving. It's really a shame, because the food was outstanding.

Success!

If you can read this, Time Warner Cable officially just got much lower on my Shit List.

On Notice

The following people, corporate entities, and inanimate objects are hereby on notice:

1. Time Warner Cable. Four hours of pure fiasco, and I still don't have cable. "It needs to come in from outside" apparently didn't convey clearly enough the need for drilling, and thus for a signed note from the building manager.

The manager, of course, was elsewhere, so the guys (who were an hour late to begin with and didn't call to say they were running beind) left.

2. The garage door at my old building. As I was coming into the garage with my last armload of stuff, someone started to try and come in. The door got about a foot off the ground and then crashed with a very loud metallic THUNK.

I'm writing this up via the Swiss Army Phone while sitting in my car, waiting for the super to come over. The length of time it's taken for him to come over, let alone open the gate, is making him very close to being On Notice.

3. My back and my ankle. Listen kids, you stop fighting with me and I'll buy you some serious painkillers.