California Celebrates Naked Commercialism

In my inbox this morning, on the morning of the first gay marriages in California, I found the following item from Chemistry.com, a spinoff of Match.com:


Yes, that's right. Chemistry has decided that the best way to market themselves to their generally liberal and potentially queer audience is to nakedly commercialize one of the most important court rulings in decades.

I can't even imagine that marketing meeting: "Now that gays can get married, there's clearly going to be a stampede to meet soulmates through the magic of the internet. We should take advantage!"

Well Done, L.A. Times

They have located the most innocuous-looking lesbians in America for their story about how same-sex marriage will be a huge economic boon to California.

I am amused at how much their dog looks like an angry, surly old man, though. "Goddamn kids and their gay weddings. Now they're going to spend their lives looking at flower arrangements instead of playing fetch..."

Also, I laughed out loud when I read this:

Susan Goldman, a wedding photographer, registered the domain name biggayweddings.com a month ago so she could market her services to same-sex couples.

...since I've referred to every same-sex wedding and/or commitment ceremony I've attended as a Big Gay Wedding.

Is This Because I'm A Lesbian?

I strolled out to the mailbox today to retrieve my Netflix movies, the better to facilitate keeping my broke ass at home.

I was expecting two movies, but when I opened up the mailbox, I saw three. Huh, I thought, they must have mailed me an extra copy of the Futurama movie, which I mailed back this morning.

Not so. I opened all three movies, found the two that I was expecting...and I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry.

I had no desire to see it, so I'd never even put it in my queue. I thought maybe it was for one of my neighbors, but no, addressed to me, sent from the same shipping center as my other movies.

I mean, perhaps the fact that one of my other movies arriving today was lesbian cult hit The Incredibly True Adventures of 2 Girls in Love (we are not a people who are economical with our titles) might have tipped Netflix off to the fact that I'm a gay lesbian, and made them suggest this as a related movie.

Generally, however, suggestions of related movies are not mailed to you as an extra film, particularly when you have not actually requested them.

I suppose, since I really have nothing better to do, I might as well watch it, if only to see how bad it is: As bad as you'd think, not as bad as you'd think, or even worse than you'd think.

I'll post here probably tomorrow with the results of this experiment.

Post title courtesy the greatest non sequitur ever to appear on Law & Order (fast forward to about 1:50 of that video for the hilarious part of the scene).

Desperation + Goofy Theme Striking = Dating Gold

So the Writer's Guild division of the Gay Mafia is putting together an LGBT picket, which sounds like ever so much fun.

I've decided I'm totally going over there, because I might actually be able to get hot/funny writer lesbians to go out with me.

You see, while in normal times, my weekly salary would not pay many an employed writer's dry-cleaning bill, I now have the distinct advantage that I am still actually receiving a paycheck...for the next few weeks.

So I plan to take advantage of this advantage while I can, and hopefully draw to a close the dreadfully long period of singledom I've been suffering through for...longer than I care to try to calculate.

Striking single lesbians, your knight in shining armor* has arrived!

* - Note: Shining armor may be made of tin foil rather than actual armor as I'm really not making enough money to rent a suit of armor.

I Am Such A Lesbian

Moving brings out the big old butch lesbian in me. I mean, not that she had far to come, but for just two examples:

Spackle. I bought spackle. I love spackle. I love the word spackle. I love saying and typing the word spackle. Spackle spackle spackle.

I even love spackling all the holes I've placed in the wall, which there are WAY more of than I realized. I guess that's what framing all your posters and hanging both your guitars and your TV on the wall will do.

Power tools. I get to use my drill to take everything down! With all the spackling I have to do, I now have a legit excuse to buy a power sander! A small one, but still! Power sanding!

It's a good thing I already packed all my flannel away, or I'd really be a hideous stereotype. At this rate, the haircut I so desperately need will be a mullet.

Brilliant

I don't know how many of you have been following the story of John Amaechi, the first former NBA player to officially come out.

However, if you have, you will thoroughly enjoy the Onion's merciless take on the story:

John Amaechi Comes Out As Former NBA Player

STOCKPORT, ENGLAND—British homosexual John Amaechi sent shockwaves throughout the sporting world last week when he announced, much to the surprise of his family and friends—in addition to NBA players and fans—that he lived a...