Only One W Needed

Via Defamer, the perfect one-word [over and over again] summation of being a Lost fan:



I love people with the kind of free time that allows them to put something like this together.

Website Tie-Ins Go Hilariously Insane

If you watched tonight's episode of How I Met Your Mother, you will be highly, highly amused by the extremely long, hysterically funny song on this site referenced in the episode (warning: audio loads automatically).

They had way, way, way too much fun creating that. It's almost as long as the goddamn episode, but sweet lord, it's awesome.

An Odd (Healthy) Choice

I eat a lot of Healthy Choice frozen food. I am a terrible cook and I'm trying to lose weight, so their products appeal to me.

One of their more respectably tasty entrées is their "Chicken Margherita", a nice little chicken and pasta dish. For years, it was served in the traditional small, flat box.

The packaging has recently been changed, however:


They have decided, for some reason, to make this a "Cafe Steamer" dish. This is problematic for several reasons.

The first is that it vastly increases the size of the packaging, to the point where I can't fit more than one in my freezer at the same time. Why is this?

Because each individual package is now two very large, thick pieces of plastic: A bowl the sauce sits at the bottom of, and a steaming basket that sits above it with the pasta, chicken, and bits of tomato and garlic.

This leads me to my second problem with this change: Did anyone think of how much more waste this whole process produces? To go from one flimsy piece of plastic to two very strong ones a) cannot be cheap and b) is just a wee bit earth-unfriendly.

And frankly, it doesn't really taste any different from the way it did when you just nuked the traditional flat package.

It does, however, lead me to the most amusing problem: Hilariously obvious instructions.

This is a picture of the directions on the back, which you can click to enlarge:



I direct your attention to the text in italics on the bottom right. If you can't read it from the picture, it says:

Meal can also be enjoyed by placing steamed food on a plate and topping with sauce.

Wow! You mean I'm not legally obligated to use this giant plastic thing included in the packaging? I totally thought that's what I was agreeing to by purchasing this Cafe Steamer.

Overall, it adds up to a needless, wasteful, and downright silly redesign of a product that was just fine the way it originally was.

Only Took Me Two And A Half Years

I've finally uploaded the last of the best of my Europe photos, from my 2005 trip with Mark.

Here's a link to the full set, the captions have descriptions of what the hell it is that you're looking at, along with some entertaining stories of stuff we did while over in Euroland.

If, unlike me, you don't have an abundance of free time on your hands, they're also broken down country by country if you don't want to look at all 400 or so of them.

As long as it took me to upload all my photos, I'd hate to see how long it takes Mark to upload his. He took about three times as many pictures as I did, though in all fairness, he's a much better photographer.

And since I'm talking about Mark as a photographer, I think this is obligatory:

'Twas The Night Before Strike-mas

'Twas the night before Strike-mas, and through Hollywood
Every crew member thought, "Oy, this can't be good."

The pink slips had been rolling on in for weeks
And news only came out in rumors and leaks.

The children were nestled all snug in their beds
While parents sought Advil to quiet their heads

I was sitting inside, bundled in winter gear
Having turned down the heat to try remain austere

When out in the alley honked a very loud horn;
'Twas a Teamster in his five-ton, looking forlorn

I opened my window and shouted "Hey, yo!
It's after midnight, don't you have somewhere to go?"

He replied, "It's all from the Christmas episode,
Fake trees and ornaments, an entire truckload.

Our vendors were shut down, our office laid off;
Every light in town seems to be turned off."

I asked, "Can't you take the truck to the studio?"
He said, "Their lot's so full, it's got no place to go."

I said, "Let's take it to Les Moonves's house!
He ought to have room, that $30-mil-a-year louse."

"Or Chernin or Grey," he said, "Or Barry Meyer,
Maybe Zucker or Sloan, or Lynton or Iger.

They all make good money, even Patric Verrone,
And some guy I saw on TV named Gavin Polone."

So I pulled on my jeans and I pulled on my boots,
The Teamster and I were now in cahoots.

We charted a course towards Beverly Hills
Ready to get in a last few cheap thrills.

With some inside tipsters and Google Maps Mobile
We took on a task...perhaps somewhat ignoble.

I will leave out the name of the victim selected
But do rest assured, he was quite well connected

We were dressed all in black from our heads to our feet,
To flummox security guards we might meet.

But our worries were baseless, 'twas no one nearby
As the shadow of the five-ton darkened the sky

We pulled up to the gates and claimed a delivery
Our friend didn't know it was heavy artillery.

We hung a huge banner urging negotiations
And left the truck there, despite protestations.

A silly and juvenile prank, to be sure,
But since when have crew kids ever been mature?

We fled the scene and I whipped out my crackberry
And called us a taxi to someplace more merry:

To the party of one friend who still had a job
And hadn't turned into an unemployed slob.

We drank to our family and friends and moreover
To the hope this will end before hell freezes over.

---

Now I end with a plea for a wee bit of reason
Though it sometimes seems such a thing's out of season

Please stop the name-calling through press releases
And try to begin to pick up the pieces.

For Peace is the one thing we B.T.L.'s seek
And the return of our 70-hour workweek.

Though I've fled from L.A. for a Christmas that's white,
Merry Strike-mas to all, and to all a good night.

Many thanks to the providers of the Online Rhyming Dictionary, without which this would have been even sillier.

Happy New Year!

Hope everyone had fun last night. I definitely did, though I believe "getting hammered and playing Cranium" qualifying as fun makes me approximately 400 years old.

Sadly, this will be my last update for a few days because I'm about to get sucked back into the vortex of work. My boss is directing the episode that starts shooting tomorrow, so that's going to be very interesting but with some very long hours.

In my absence, please feel free to debate in the comments what the people behind the Geostationary Banana Over Texas project are smoking.

Showoff

Via Defamer, Michel Gondry demonstrates that even semi-insane yet excellent directors can end up with too much time on their hands...or feet:

Seriously, I can't even solve those goddamn things with both hands, concentrating really hard.

Oh My

If you are a rabid sports fan, you have probably already seen this site. If you are not, or even if you are, and have not seen it yet, click the link and prepare yourself for some amusement while the video loads.

Make sure you stick around after the demonstration for a most hilarious mispronunciation of the word testicles.

Courtesy Fark and Deadspin.

Fun Toy

There's a new website where you can create your own Colbert Report "On Notice" board. Here's mine:


Orange Cat Torturing Chaplin, you're officially On Notice.

I Need To Learn To Play This

And now, your moment Simpsons-related zen.

via Dave Barry's blog