EllenShapiro.com | Lyrics and Stories

FIRST THINGS FIRST

I love a good cliché, please don’t take that away
Every time I’m in your arms I fall for every one of your charms
I last saw you two years ago, I should have left you long before
If you say be there, I’ll be, you frustrate the hell out of me ‘cause

I like my first things first
And my last things last
I need you more today
Than I did in the past

I thought I was rid of you, I guess we were never really through
I threw you right out onto your ass and I thought this too might pass now
I need to see you one more time, I need to fall for one more line
You decided that nothing was free, you frustrate the hell out of me ‘cause

I like my first things first
And my last things last
I need you more today
Than I did in the past

Lately I’ve been missing you more than ever
But when we talk, all we talk about’s the weather
I used to think we could have fallen in love
Man, what the fuck was I thinking of?
Or maybe I was just a little tiny bit right?

You wanna go back to our favorite dive? See our favorite band play live?
Could we go and lose our heads if I promise not to kick you out of bed?
You throw me off-axis every time that you sing my favorite line
You were always better than me, yeah you frustrate the hell out of me ‘cause

I like my first things first
And my last things last
I need you more today
Than I did in the past

Story- When I wrote this song I was going through a phase where I needed everything to be ridiculously organized. I tried to envision what this would do to a relationship, and this song was born out of that feeling, plus my frustration at not being in a relationship. back to sounds page

YOU CAN'T SURPRISE ME

You need to have all the attention that you can get
‘Cause you’ve been trying to hide your character’s massive debt
So you wear unusual clothes and you act a little strange
But I’ll tell you baby, you sure ain’t got much of an acting range

‘Cause you can’t surprise me, baby
No you can’t shock me anymore
‘Cause I’ve seen everything, baby
That you’ve got in store

Now I’ve been watching you running around with someone new
They’re just your classic bad influence, yeah, they’re not good enough for you
You’ve been hanging ‘round the coolest people but it hasn’t bought you any new friends
You seek attention so maybe you’ll have one before your extended adolescence ends

But you can’t surprise me, baby
No you can’t shock me anymore
‘Cause I’ve seen everything, baby
That you’ve got in store
Yeah, you’ve got in store

You say that you haven’t changed, and actually, I believe you
All the crazy shit you do only affects how others perceive you
Under all your layers of armor, I think your personality is getting lost
All you wanted was to be the most popular, you never for a second thought about the cost

Now you can’t surprise me, baby
No you can’t shock me anymore
‘Cause I’ve seen everything, baby
That you’ve got in store
Yeah, you’ve got in store
Yeah you’ve got in store.

Story- I wrote this when I noticed that one of my freinds had started to do some pretty drastic things to herself to try and fit in, and I got really disappointed and dejected about it. Ah, High School drama. back to sounds page

SUNFLOWERS

Sunflowers explode into fireworks tonight
Later on this won’t feel quite so right
So please baby, don’t you hesitate
‘Cause you’ll attract the evil smile of fate

You don’t owe me anything
You don’t own me either
You can’t understand me
Like I never understood you

Sunflowers explode into fireworks at night
Before you leave I want you to take me to a new height
Stay if you want to, but baby, you’re free to go
You leave me every time, but you never bring me low

You don’t owe me anything
You don’t own me either
You can’t understand me
Like I never understood you

A field of sunflowers grows before my eyes
Night falls and they return to their disguise
I know you’re not the one and only one for me
But I keep you around ‘cause every night I want to see

Sunflowers explode into fireworks at night
Black and green and gold are all melting down into white
You say that you love me when, baby, I know that you don’t
I can’t say a word about it, and baby, I know that you won’t

You don’t owe me anything
You don’t own me either
You can’t understand me
Like I never understood you

Story- This song is NOT based on my life, something that I had to somewhat awkwardly explain to my parents. "Yes, dad. You can write songs that are not about you. Especially this one." I'm still not entirely sure they believe me. back to sounds page

ANDY WARHOL WAS WRONG

They told him money wasn’t everything, but he chose not to believe them
He signed his name right on the dotted line, he thought, “Principles? Hell, I don’t need ‘em!”
So he got famous for a little while, he wrote everybody’s favorite song (for five minutes, anyway)
He found one thing’s for god damn sure and that’s Andy Warhol was wrong

You’ve got five minutes to make your first impression
Five minutes to make that impression last
Five minutes to be a one hit wonder
Five minutes of fame

Well, six months later folks remembered his song, but they could not recall his name
He got disgusted with the whole damn business, he was looking for someone to blame (besides himself, maybe)
But in the end the system ate him alive, no he could not linger too long
And in his troubles he saw one thing was right, and that’s Andy Warhol was wrong

You’ve got five minutes to make your first impression
Five minutes to make that impression last
Five minutes to be a one hit wonder
Five minutes of fame

His new friends began to evaporate as new fame became old news
He started spiraling down towards madness, ‘cause disenchantment always lights that fuse

Five years later walking down the street, someone asked him if he used to be himself
He said, “Once upon a time I was, but that dream’s long since returned to the shelf
Now don’t get me wrong, you’ve got to follow your heart and maybe you can stick around for more than one damn song
Just keep one thing in the back of your mind: Andy Warhol was wrong.”

You’ve got five minutes to make your first impression
Five minutes to make that impression last
Five minutes to be a one hit wonder
Five minutes of fame

Story- See, this is what happens when you watch one too many episodes of Behind The Music and Where Are They Now? on a sick day. You write songs about dejected muscians trying to give you advice about how not to get sucked into the music industry, even though you're absolutely positive you want to be a musician. back to sounds page

ALL THE WAY UP

Open the doors and don’t close the windows
Turn the radio all the way up
I’m finally leaving after all these years so
Turn the radio all the way up

I’m saying goodbye to everything I hate
But I’m leaving behind everything I love
But that’s not what I’m thinking about today
Not on this day I’ve been dreaming of

Open the doors and don’t close the windows
Turn the radio all the way up
I’m finally leaving after all these years so
Turn the radio all the way up

No more suffering through the hottest summers on earth
But no more talking to the only best friends I’ve known
But that’s not what I’m thinking about today
Not on this day when I can finally break away from home

Open the doors and don’t close the windows
Turn the radio all the way up
I’m finally leaving after all these years so
Turn the radio all the way up

I’ve got to celebrate everything that feels so good
I’ve got to drown out everything that feels too bad

Open the doors and don’t close the windows
Turn the radio all the way up
I’m finally free after all these years
So turn the radio all the way up...

Story- This was me anticipating what I would do when I finally got through with High School, which by the time I wrote this song, about three months before I graduated, I was quite sick of.. I had this vision of getting into my crappy 1983 Buick Skylark (a lovely shade of bright, ridiculously sparkly blue), rolling down the windows, and driving around the city just blasting the hell out of the pathetic little speakers with whatever good music I could find. Ah, the good old days. back to sounds page

POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL

Hanging upside down from the ceiling all the blood rushes into my head
And I start to see the demons crawling up my legs and into my bed
I’ve been screaming like a bat out of hell for almost one entire year
And I’m feeling all my sanity seep out a tilted ear

‘Cause I’m eighteen and angry, but everyone says that I should be
Well, I’ve got no reason to get excited, least not that I can see
‘Cause I’ve been taking the life I’ve been given for granted almost every single day
But I know a snap of someone else’s fingers could take it all away

‘Cause I’ve been lucky in this life
I might not show it, but I know I’ve been lucky in this life.
Yeah I’ve been lucky in this life
I might not know it, but I sure have been lucky in this life.

Singing out in the middle of the night walking down a D.C. street
I can feel the wind whipping at my face and see the snowflakes falling at my feet
I’ve been wandering around this city for almost one entire year
But the only thing that I’ve been seeing is the voices that I hear

‘Cause I’m eighteen and hungry for a change of point of view
I’ve been hearing the same ideas for so long, now it’s time to hear something new
I’m reluctant to stay, but I’m not ready to go, and leave behind my safety net
I’ve been taking some pretty big chances, but I haven’t needed it yet

Story- The beginning of the song was a free association that I started writing in class after we read a portion of Howl, but it turned into a song about how I'm one lucky bitch to have had all the opportunities that I have. Honestly, I'm really an incredibly lucky person, no matter how much I bitch about stuff. back to sounds page

ADDICT

I’ve been down this road before I know it ‘cause it seems so familiar
But when I wake up I reach for the thing that makes me happy
And you know lately that’s been you

I’ve been trying to say goodbye, I can’t seem to put those words together
But when I open my mouth I feel like a cat’s got my tongue tied up
And that he’s hanging me out to dry, yeah out to dry

Now I’ve been living down inside a little tiny shack, down by the side of the road
I walked out, but you followed me when I tried to walk alone

‘Cause I’ve been searching to find the words, anything to describe your guilty pleasures
But when I’m running I keep putting one foot in front of the other,
But I’m not getting anywhere, not anywhere, anywhere

Now I’ve been living down inside a little tiny shack, down by the side of the road
I walked out, but you followed me when I tried to walk alone

I’ve been down this road before I know it ‘cause it seems so familiar
But when I wake up I reach for the thing that makes me happy
And you know lately that’s been you
Yeah that's been you
That's always you

Story- This is about not being able to excersize self control. At this point in my writing, I tended to personify problems I have as stupid or annoying lovers. Believe it or not, the specific thing I was writing about when I wrote this was not being able to control how much I eat. back to sounds page

STUPID THINGS

I wanna fall in love but love won’t come to me
So I sit here late at night and I wait in vain
They tell me I’ve just got to get out a little bit more
But all I’m able to do is just sit here and wonder

Why do I do stupid things?
Why do I think stupid things?
Why do I say stupid things?
Why does everything I do feel like stupid things?

Call me a hopeless romantic or call me delusional
I’ve always fallen for that one true love shit
So I sit alone at night and wait for my one to come
I’m starting to think that this ain’t working, I wonder

Why do I do stupid things?
Why do I think stupid things?
Why do I say stupid things?
Why does everything I do feel like stupid things?

Story- I was going through one of my numerous self-loathing phases, and I started to wonder: Maybe it might be easier to get in a relationship if I didn't just sit on my ass all the time, and instead got out and did something... Then I realized what an idiot I was being and wrote a song chastising myself. back to sounds page

I CAN'T SAVE THE DAY

I can’t save the day, but I can damn well try
You might not be a superhero, but you taught me to fly
‘Cause you hold me in your arms and you never let me go
You showed me that you loved me and that’s all I needed to know

I won’t fade away in your dust or in your smoke
I’ll stand right beside you baby if you’re rich or if you’re broke
‘Cause you showed me how to love and that’s a gift I can never repay
I’ll love you forever though maybe I can’t save the day

Story- I was thinking about someone I had a bad crush on when I was fifteen when I wrote this, and this is the workings of my delusional mind thinking about what would have happened had we actually gotten together, fallen in love, etc. back to sounds page

THE MAN

People talk about the man
They say he is running from his past
They don’t even know what his past is
But people talk about the man

I’ve known the man since I was young
They say something is wrong with the man
But I can’t even see the thing
That makes people talk about the man

People talk about the man
They say he is getting too thin
I can’t tell them what’s going on
But people talk about the man

My friend, he left here years ago
And I don’t think that he’s coming back
The last time I saw him, he was forty five,
The last time I saw him, he was still alive

People talk about the man
They say he couldn’t outrun the thing
That I never even understood
But people still talk about the man

Story- This is actually a pretty serious one. I had started writing this song when I was in tenth grade about someone who lost a good friend to AIDS, but about halfway through writing it, my uncle Harry died after a very long, difficult battle with cancer. The last time I saw him, except for the fact that he was obviously exhausted from the chemotherapy and pretty pale, you wouldn't have been able to tell he was sick. When he was diagnosed, they gave him six months, and he lived for five years after that. I had almost convinced myself that he was going to come back and be completely healthy when he suddenly took a turn for the worse, and within a couple of weeks, he was gone. He was a wonderful, very funny man, and he really loved life. It was really such a shame that he only had forty five years to make everyone around him happier. back to sounds page

WHERE I'VE BEEN

Well, I’ve got friends who’ve been there for me through times thick and thin
And I know my friends will be there for me again and again
And although the strains of time may try to tear us apart
I’ve always got room for my friends inside of my heart

Even though our hopes and dreams may not all be the same
For us to lose sight of our dreams, it would be a crying shame
Although some twists of fate might manage to tear us apart
I’ve always got room for my friends inside of my heart

Although the wand of lady luck may not touch on us all
I must stand alongside my friends for divided we will fall
And although the years may pass and we may grow far apart
I’ve always got room for my friends inside of my heart

And I don’t know where I’m going, but I know where I’ve been
I’ve been going for a long time, still I come back again
Although I’m moving on and leaving behind a lot of good friends
Maybe someday I will come back but I don’t know when
Yeah, although I’m moving on and leaving behind a lot of good friends
Maybe someday I will come back but I don’t know when

Story- This is the oldest song on the album. I originally wrote this song to be performed at my eighth grade graduation, but we ended up doing Instant Karma and With A Little Help From My Friends instead, which was probably a better idea. It's a very simple song, but I still feel these emotions a lot when I leave my friends from wherever I go, whether it's school, camp, college, or something else. back to sounds page

BITCHING ABOUT THE HEAT

A hot summer day in a city that’s founded on greed and lust
A hot summer day before the summer descends on us
A hot summer day, please tell us to go and jump in the lake
A hot summer day, everybody is really starting to bake

It’s hot enough to fry an egg on the sidewalk or maybe in my brain and
It’s hot enough to send the devil straight back to hell on the very next train and
It’s hot enough to soak your shirt in sweat ten seconds after stepping outside and
It’s hot enough to fry an egg on the sidewalk, well maybe I lied, but still!

A hot summer day and humid, yeah we stick to everything
A hot summer day, the air’s so thick it gets hard to sing
A hot summer day, fuck the clowns, send in the ice cream men
A hot summer day, the stars won’t come out ‘til quarter past ten

Hot summer days
Hot summer days
Hot summer days
Hot summer days

Story- D.C. gets really unbearably hot during the summer, but it usually doesn't get that way until about mid-July. One year, it got to the boilingly hot and disgustingly humid phase (the "This entire city smells like a sweat sock!" phase) in early June, and this pissed me off deeply. As I tend to do when things piss me off, I wrote a song about it. back to sounds page

MONDAY MORNING

I woke up on Monday morning and I couldn’t hardly get out of bed
I woke up on Monday morning to the sounds of drummers pounding on my head

Oh, ‘cause I don’t wanna move, no way
I just wanna sleep through the whole damn day, yeah
I don’t wanna move, no way

I got up on Monday morning, and then I let out a tremendous groan
I got up on Monday morning and I wished out loud that I could stay at home

Oh, ‘cause I don’t wanna work, no way
I just wanna play my guitar all day, yeah
I don’t wanna work, no way

I went out on Monday morning, and I saw nineteen inches of snow
I went out on Monday morning, and I danced at the fact that I didn’t have to go

Oh, now I don’t gotta work now way
I just gotta play my guitar all day, yeah
I don’t gotta work, no way

Yeah, ‘cause I don’t wanna work no way
I just gotta play my guitar all day, yeah
Now I don’t gotta work, no way.

Story-Again, one of the oldest songs on the album. I really am not a morning person, and I really hate Mondays, so I combined my two hatreds into one, with what I wished would have been the ending. Then again, if I had actually dragged my ass out of bed and gotten dressed on a Monday morning only to find ninteen inches of snow, I probably would be kinda pissed that I had even gotten out of bed in the first place. back to sounds page

WAKE UP

Wake up my baby, ‘cause you’ve been talking in your sleep
You were tossing and turning and you hit me in the face, you know that
I’m starting to get a little bit tired of this routine
You know, not just the usual, but the whole damn rat race, oh yeah
You know that I’ve gotta dig my way out of this rut that I’ve fallen into
‘Cause I’ve been doing the same damn thing for the last year and a half

You know I need to make a change
I need to turn it upside down
I need to make a change
I need to shake it up
Oh, shake it up baby yeah, I’m moving on down the line

Wake up my baby, ‘cause you’ve been dreaming while I speak
You were staring out of that window and pretending not to hear me
‘Cause you lied to me, don’t cry on me those crocodile tears
You know you gotta stop treating me like that little girl that I used to be
You know that you’ve known me way too long to show me this little respect
But you’re doing it anyway, which leads me to believe one thing

You know I need to make a change
I need to turn it upside down
I need to make a change
I need to wake you up
Oh, wake up baby yeah, and smell the coffee

‘Cause I’m starting to get a little bit sick of having to play second fiddle to
All your neuroses and your complexes too

You know that I’ve got to get out of this town ‘cause it’s turning me into a zombie
And it’s tearing apart my sanity piece by piece by piece

You know I need to make a change
I need to turn it upside down
I need to make a change
I need to wake you up
Oh wake up baby yeah, I’m moving on down the line
I’ll call you up sometime
Or maybe I’m just lyin’
But for the final time
Goodbye

Story- Another one of the oldest songs on the album. I wrote this when my range was slightly different from the way it was when I recorded it, and the only way to actually get it to sound decent, was to sing it in an almost whisper. The effect is good, but the sound is really different from the rest of the album. Oh well. back to sounds page

FOUR MORE DAYS

I can tell I am reaching the end of my rapidly fraying rope
My grip is slipping off reality and I’m wondering if I can still cope
All the pressure builds up in my head ‘til I just can’t see straight anymore
I’ve had doubts a thousand one times, but this time I’m shaken to the core

Four more days ‘til I’m out of this hellhole
Four more days until I’m done
Four more days ‘til I free my soul, yeah
Four more days until I can run, baby run
Yeah run, baby run

I’ve been working for five nights and days now I feel like a walking corpse
Years ago I might have felt like dying, but now it’s just par for the course
Ten A.M. and I’m staring at the wall, yeah, I’m drifting off down to dreamland
I’ve been run down a thousand one times, but this time I can barely stand

Four more days ‘til I’m out of this hellhole
Four more days until I’m done
Four more days ‘til I free my soul, yeah
Four more days until I can run, baby run
Yeah run, baby run

I think that I am seeing the light at the end of my deep, darkened cave
Or it all might be a sickly vision, you hear how I madly rave
Lately I’ve been feeling like something has stolen a piece of my soul
Maybe in four more days I can once again become whole

Four more days ‘til I’m out of this hellhole
Four more days until I’m done
Four more days ‘til I free my soul, yeah
Four more days until I can run, baby run
Yeah run, baby run
Yeah run, baby run
Yeah run, baby run

Story- I don't show my lyrics to my parents, but when my dad found the lyrics to this song, he asked me if I was okay or if I wanted to see a shrink. I wrote this during Advanced Placement exams my junior year. I had two within four days, and I wrote this between them. I was about ready to run through a plate glass window, leaving nothing but an Ellen-shaped hole, like I was some kind of Warner Brothers cartoon. I still use this song for stress relief around midterms and finals in college as it captures the whole I'm-either-going-to-kill-something-or-go-completely-fucking-insane mentality that I get when I'm under a whole lot of pressure. back to sounds page

THE NEXT TIME I FALL
(Lyrics by Ellen Shapiro, Music by Ellen Shapiro and Laura Anne Minkoff)

I woke up this morning and I reached over to kiss you but all I found was an empty bed
The sheets were cold ‘cause you left so early this morning or maybe even sometime last night
When I told you I loved you I thought maybe it might mean more than three ordinary words
But when I woke up alone this morning it only confirmed for me that for you I would never be the one,

Now I say, the next time I fall for someone,
Please remind me to make it for someone who falls for me too
The next time I fall for someone
Please remind me to make it for someone who falls for me too

I called you up this afternoon, but the second you heard my voice you slammed the phone down right in my ear
I thought that I deserved a decent explanation and I thought it would be fairly easy to get one
But when I called you back you said that you didn’t know why you had to leave me all alone this morning
When I told you I loved you I would have thought it would have bought more than a simple I don’t know

Now I say, the next time I fall for someone,
Please remind me to make it for someone who falls for me too
The next time I fall for someone
Please remind me to make it for someone who falls for me too

(wordless verse)

Now I say, the next time I fall for someone,
Please remind me to make it for someone who falls for me too
The next time I fall for someone
Please remind me to make it for someone who falls for me too
The next time I fall for someone
Please remind me to make it for someone who falls for me too

Story- I wrote these lyrics after, yet again, falling for someone who I never, ever, ever had any chance of getting in a million years, even if hell DID freeze over. Laura Anne Minkoff was kind enough to write and sing a really gorgeous harmony line that really brought this song to life. back to sounds page

CHASING AFTER THE SUNSET

Chasing after the last long sunset of a month that I would rather forget
I’m leaving this sick city behind and I’m leaving without a regret
Chasing after the sunset has become a hobby of mine
Give me one more chance to prove that I can break out of my shell this time

‘Cause you’ve given me more chances than even I think you should
This time, I really mean it, I’m breaking out for good

Chasing after the only big dream that has ever occupied my mind
I’m going out to the western horizon, gonna see what I might find
Chasing after the sunset has come to mean too much
I’ve gotta wonder if this will play out to be more than just a hunch

So I run screaming and hide behind a wall of sound that I have tried to create
I’m taking my thick head onto thin ice, will I survive or just become a little more shark bait?

Chasing after a chance to prove that I am more than just a child
I may be young, but I can hold my own against a city that gets this wild
Chasing after the sunset has only just begun
I’m sick of sitting around all day, now it’s time to have some fun

Now if I told you I thought this would be easy, then baby, I’d be telling you a lie
But I’ll keep chasing after that sunset until the day I die

Chasing after the sunset
Chasing after the sunset
Chasing after the sunset
Chasing after the sunset

Story- I chose to make this the final song on the album because it really is a very hopeful song about an industry I know I will be likening to beating my head against the wall in the near future. I was on a flight out to visit my uncle James out in Springfield, Missouri when I got the idea for this song. It had been a really long month and watching the sunset leave us behind was a really striking image. It took me almost a year to finish fleshing out this metaphor, but I'm pretty happy with the results. back to sounds page